Alcohol?

Because drowning in your own sorrow seems like a better choice.

Because you didn't think your unhappiness should implicate your loved ones.

Because it makes you feel less.

Because hot tears would just start streaming.

Then you'd feel & hear your heart beating, reminding you that you're still alive & there's no other way but to live through this shit.

& you'll start hoping that when you wake up, everything would magically be just fine.